I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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