I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
