I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
