we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
