its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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