K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
