Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
His nipple licking is glorious
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