Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Who died my cat blue again?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
