wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
