Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Life is so much better after having sex.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize