remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
