I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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