he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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