she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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