I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Plan B is the new Plan A
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
