I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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