I just threw up on my dentist
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
