i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
