He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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