he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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