party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
