i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
