How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize