You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
