He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
