i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
