dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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