bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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