I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
