Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
