Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
