So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize