who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
