i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
