How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
