This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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