i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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