She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
