bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
