I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
