i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
