You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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