Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
