I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
