in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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