Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
