i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
