it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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