farters have to be the big spoon...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
