FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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