If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize