Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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