I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
