he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
