Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
