i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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