feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
the liver wants what the liver wants
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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