So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
