Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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