you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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