I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
