i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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