Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
