mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hippo gnu deer
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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