He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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