I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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