so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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