break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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